he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He passed out mid-signature
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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