Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
that is very illegal...i love you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
