I want to have your abortion
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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