wrigley field is MILF paradise
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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