The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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