my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
