one might say we're banned from that church
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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