My sheets look like a crime scene.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
