So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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