Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
