It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
