i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
