I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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