And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
