This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
