pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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