so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
