After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
