Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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