I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
