Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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