I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
