dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
