This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
