I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
