oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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