I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
