"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
