Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
