can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
