I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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