apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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