My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So much Jack, so little girl.
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The struggles of a small town man whore
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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