And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
