Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
