The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
