I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
