Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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