do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
