We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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