and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
