oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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