I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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