so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
