she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just pee around me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
