I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
