New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
