He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
