When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
