Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
