Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
