we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
