My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm both gender and math confused
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
