Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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