bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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