Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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