that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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