hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
