i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
