just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
