After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
