Im at strip club and am horny
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
