operation harelip BJ is a go
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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