so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
