I should be sponsored by Trojan
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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