I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
