No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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