I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
